Playing Madam Tourvel  in “Les Liaison Dangereuses”. 

One of the scarier moments I have had on stage came at the end of a long season in repertory. 

I was waiting to go on at the the top of the show for “Les Liaison Dangereuses”.  As I headed out to play Tourvel, a character that I loved, in a play I loved doing, I had a panic moment… like an actor’s nightmare moment…  I did not know what my first line was. Frightened, I started to turn back. But there was no time, I had to go on stage. It was like one of those moments where you’re going to introduce someone and you just can’t pull the name out of your head. You know it’s there, but it just won’t come. I suppose a lot of actors have these dreams/nightmares about not remembering lines while in front of an audience. When I got on stage and my line was due to be said— my muscle memory just took over and out it came. Phew. But, this was not the scariest moment. 

For the rest of that show, I was spooked. About halfway into the show during one of my scenes, I was saying my lines, while at the same time I was having a conversation with myself about groceries I needed to get on the way home. It was then that I realized there was a third consciousness that was monitoring the fact of these two conversations were going on simultaneously. And then I realized there must be a fourth consciousness that was able to monitor the other three conversations. I began to break apart like a fun house mirror. All this going on at the same time while performing the show. Somehow I got through the night. That muscle memory again, I suppose. But for the rest of the run, which was about 10 days, I had some trepidation (to put it lightly) about going on. 

I was exhausted. Six months of doing theater nonstop, six days a week, eight shows a week, big shows, — it’s a lot of work and stress. Even though you deeply love it, it takes its toll. I don’t know how people do Broadway for years and years, especially with all the pressure of New York. Interviews and all the rest of the PR they have to do in their time off. That’s really, really hard work. You need to spend your days resting, eating cautiously. Not even talking sometimes, to rest your voice. Everything in your life is about being healthy enough to do that show. You have to take care of your health more than most people think. My usual routine was a little lunch, then in the late afternoon take a nap from 4 to 5. Get up and shower. Have some protein.  Run over my lines. Get ready to head to the theater. Arrive at seven, though if it was an easy show I’d get there at 7:30, our half hour call. Run the show. When you are younger, probably wind down afterwards by going out for a drink. Then rest the next day. Rest, especially as you get to be an older actor. The older an actor gets, you find the camaraderie you had in your 20s and 30s with your fellow cast mates is less and less. The 20 and 30-year-olds go out with each other.  But the 50-60-year-olds are often left to do their own thing. And often that might be just to rest, whether we choose it or not.